Don’t Assume They Know

A random message came through from a social media connection.

“Did you buy my book?”

That was it.

No context.

No reminder.

No link.

No “Hey Jon, I know we talked about this a while back.”

Just a direct question that immediately sent me into investigation mode.

My first thought was not frustration.

My first thought was, “Oh gosh, did I fail someone?”

So I went back through our messages.

I looked for a conversation where I may have committed to buying his book.

I searched for a meeting where he might have told me about it.

I checked my calendar to see if we had ever met and talked about his project.

I could not validate any of it.

From what I could tell, he was someone I connected with on social media, tried to engage with, and the conversation never really went anywhere.

That happens all the time on LinkedIn.

You connect.

You say hello.

Maybe you try to start a conversation.

Then life moves on.

Now, to be clear, he is a veteran and still works in an industry that serves military members and veterans.

I respect that.

I will support that.

That part matters to me.

But the interaction reminded me of something important.

Do not assume people know what is going on in your life.

They have one too.

That may sound simple, but it is one of the most common communication failures in leadership, business, relationships, and networking.

We assume people saw the post.

We assume they read the email.

We assume they remembered the text.

We assume they understood the urgency.

We assume they connected all the dots because the dots are obvious to us.

They are not always obvious to them.

Your Priorities Are Not Automatically Everyone Else’s Priorities

When something matters deeply to us, it can feel impossible that someone else missed it.

You launched a book.

You started a business.

You changed jobs.

You posted about an event.

You sent an email.

You mentioned something once during a call.

To you, it is front and center.

To everyone else, it may have been one more message in a day packed with work, family, appointments, stress, deadlines, and their own problems.

That does not make them careless.

It makes them human.

A good leader understands that communication is not complete because you said something.

Communication is complete when the right person understands the right message at the right time and knows what action is expected.

That takes ownership.

Don’t Make People Feel Like They Failed a Test They Didn’t Know They Were Taking

One of the quickest ways to create tension is to communicate as if someone should already know.

“Did you see my email?”

“Did you read my post?”

“Did you buy my book?”

“Did you remember what I told you three months ago?”

Maybe they did.

Maybe they didn’t.

But when we ask from a place of assumption, we can make people feel accused before they even understand the question.

That is not influence.

That is pressure without context.

A better approach is simple.

“Hey, I wanted to follow up. I recently released a book and would be honored if you would consider supporting it. I may not have mentioned it directly before, so I wanted to send it your way.”

That is clear.

That is respectful.

That gives the other person a fair chance to respond without making them feel like they dropped the ball.

Leaders should never make people dig through old messages, calendars, or memory banks just to figure out what they are being held accountable for.

If It Matters, Clarify It

This applies far beyond social media.

If a deadline matters, clarify it.

If a meeting matters, confirm it.

If support matters, ask for it clearly.

If a task matters, define what success looks like.

If a relationship matters, communicate with care instead of assumption.

Too many leaders confuse mentioning something with communicating something.

They say it once, bury it in a long email, drop it in a meeting, or post it online, then get frustrated when people do not respond the way they hoped.

That is not a people problem.

That is a clarity problem.

And clarity belongs to the person who needs the outcome.

Leadership Tip

Before you get frustrated that someone did not respond, ask yourself a better question.

Did I clearly explain what I needed, why it mattered, and what I was asking them to do?

If the answer is no, do not blame them for missing a message you did not make clear enough to remember.

That is not harsh.

That is ownership.

People Are Busy Carrying Their Own Load

This is the part we forget.

The person you think ignored your post may be dealing with a sick parent.

The person who forgot your announcement may be buried under work.

The person who missed your email may have opened it between meetings and planned to come back to it.

The person who did not support your project may not even know you had one.

We all want people to care about what matters to us.

That is normal.

But leadership requires enough humility to remember that everyone else has a life full of important things too.

Your mission may be meaningful.

Your project may be valuable.

Your need may be real.

But if you want people to support it, you have to communicate it clearly, respectfully, and more than once.

Not with guilt.

Not with pressure.

Not with “you should have known.”

With clarity.

Don’t Assume.

Communicate.

Don’t assume they saw your social media post.

Don’t assume they read your email.

Don’t assume they remembered your text.

Don’t assume they understood your hint.

Don’t assume they know what matters to you.

If it is important to you, it is your responsibility to make sure the people you want support from understand it and remember it.

That does not mean you nag them.

It means you lead the communication with respect.

Remind people.

Give context.

Make the ask clear.

Leave room for grace.

The older I get, the more I realize how many problems are created not by bad intentions, but by bad assumptions.

So here is the challenge.

Before you assume someone does not care, ask yourself if you communicated clearly.

Before you assume someone forgot on purpose, ask yourself if you gave them enough context.

Before you assume someone failed you, ask yourself if they even knew what success was supposed to look like.

Leadership starts with ownership.

And sometimes ownership sounds like this:

“I should have been clearer.”

Need help making your communication better?

I am not hard to find!